THRIV3::{discipline.love.passion}

so i rarely journal…

but i needed to flesh out some things. i’ve been in this crazy place lately. it’s hard to put to words. maybe i’m just bad with words. it seems when i need them the most they fail me. when i’d like to express myself clearly, i’m the least clear. and yet i have these moments of pure brilliance. that sounded pretty prideful, i apologize. but seriously, like God has allowed me to be present to watch him work. and my heart swells to think that i want that for you. i want you to know Him and see Him, even if for brief glimpses of something indescribable. i desire to share that, to see people encounter and experience Him. i’ve been feeling discontent lately. i want more than this. and i don’t mean like empty. i mean like i feel like i settle for good. but He is great, He is creator King of the universe. am i limiting Him? like my little plans could compare to His? it’s just i’ve seen bad, i’ve seen ugly, i’ve seen horrible. like i’m negotiating with Him, and telling Him i’m okay with good… i just don’t want horrible. but He’s sitting there saying you can do good, but only i can do great. the holidays are hard. this whole single thing is beginning to weigh. like i could have something, but i don’t just want something, i want something beautiful … something that reflects who He is. so i pray for that. i pray for something beyond me, something only He can provide and is capable of.

i’ve tried to describe my life before, and always the best descriptive i have is i’m caught in the whirlwind that is God. not even sure if that’s really adequate, but it’s the closest i’ve got. but if i’m inviting someone to join me in it, i’d have to ask them if they’re ready for an adventure. He’s been so faithful in that prayer, and the invitation stands.

and so i await the next adventure… maybe the next chapter in the story. you get the picture.

how often do we ask Him to use us, and then when He does, we dislike the means?
is that what we really meant? were we really trusting Him with total control?
or was it, only use me in ways that i’m comfortable being used…

then i heard the voice of the Lord saying, “whom shall i send? and who will go for Us?” and i said, “here am i. send me!”
isaiah 6:8

i sit in the realization of how often i ask the Lord to use me, and how often i spurn the Lords discipline and training.

and you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
“my son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when He rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son.”
hebrews 12:5-6

how often i question His purpose and plans. how can i know His word to be true and promises sure, and then not trust them?

every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
james 1:17

father you know that i love you… but how often i wander, how often i don’t place you utmost.

how easily we forget His faithfulness, how quickly we wallow in our present sufferings.

now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.
romans 8:17

may He continually remind us of who He is, may His grace and truth encounter us, and may He be our God and we His people.

we are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. we implore you on Christ’s behalf: be reconciled to God.
2 cor 5:20

i plead for God to make us the kind of people who desire Him utmost, to kill in us what would prevent us from more of Him, to protect us from becoming caught up in all that would entangle and distract us from finding joy and fulfillment in enjoying Him solely and completely.

search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
see if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
psalm 139:23-24

God is Just.

the penalty of sin is death. sin is not just the bad things we do, but a condition we’re born with. so we’re all guilty. we’re all sinners. we have a disease that we can not cure.

and God is Just.

justice is receiving what you deserve. so we have a problem. if God is just, then we all deserve death. death being eternal separation from our greatest good, God.

so God is Just?

sacrifice. throughout the old testament sheep and goats were sacrificed for sin. the penalty had to be paid. but there’s still a problem, we continually sin. we are worship thieves, we worship creation over the creator. we disobey, we think are ways are better then His. we steal, we lie, we murder, we lust… we fall short.

Gods Justice

why do we try to separate the God of the old testament from the God of the new? has He changed?
from genesis to malachi we see the revealed character of God, I AM. God commands His people to destroy nations and kingdoms. He strikes down those who disobey Him. His people are killed, scattered, and their land ravaged.

God is Just and Merciful.

but don’t miss His mercy. we deserve punishment. our just punishment is to be destroyed, to be struck down, to be scattered, ravaged, and killed. we deserve death.

so God is Just and Merciful?

Mercy is not receiving what we deserve. Have we only read half the story? in genesis when adam and eve sinned, did God separate Himself from them eternally? no, but death would have been a just punishment. remember that sin deserves death, and anything short is mercy. the old testament is filled with testimony after testimony of Gods abundant mercy shown toward a stubborn, rebellious, and sinful people.

the culmination of His Justice and Mercy.

so how does a Just and Merciful God reconcile stubborn, rebellious, and sinful people? the new testament is the testimony of the perfect culmination of Justice and Mercy in the God-Man Jesus. the old testament was a foreshadow, of the One to come.

Justice and Mercy perfectly reconciled.

But He was pierced for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,
and by His wounds we are healed.
isaiah 53:5

He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
romans 4:25

our just God sent His son to ransom us, to bear our punishment, our shame, our guilt, and our sins. He did so to perfectly display His abundant mercy, and reconcile to Himself a people separated from Him.

the other day God was weighing a friend of mine on my heart, and as i began praying for him, i was reminded…

my friend can’t use his legs fully because he is physically crippled, but every time i think of him, i don’t think of someone crippled…

i think of a passionate man of God whose compassion, kindness, and mercy inspires and challenges me. it would seem that in my friends weakness, He is made greater. and not just in spite of it, but because of it…

and i began reflecting on my own weaknesses. i’m a relational novice, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Gods wisdom and grace are apparent in many aspects of my life, but in this area i’m crippled.

and i’ve seen that not just in spite of my weakness, but because of it, He is made greater. that He has using my ignorance to draw me closer to Him.

so i pray that we would see Him magnified and glorified through crippled people. people like you and me…

but he said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ’s sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong.
2 Cor 12:9-10

but God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him.
1 Cor 1:26-29

He must increase, i must decrease.
John 3:30

a young couple bore a son. they loved each other and this son with all the love that they were capable of. the young woman raised this son, while the father provided for him. the father found his identity in his work, just as he had seen other fathers do. he worked long hours, night and day. he found assurance in his strength, his wisdom, and the safety he provided. the mother found her happiness in her son, just as other mothers before her had. she loved and cared for this son with all her strength and wisdom. she spend all day and all night with him. she loved him with all the love she was able to give. this young couple grew apart, the young father to his work, and the young mother to her child. the young mother had exhausted all the love she had for her young husband. there finally came a day when the young mother gathered her things along with her son, and left the home her husband had provided her. the husband fought with all his might, his wisdom, and his strength to recover his wife and son. he didn’t notice his actions were only creating greater distance between himself and his wife and son. he didn’t recognize the pain and anguish he caused them.

and the young boy grew…

the young mother wondered for many years why her young husbands love was never adequate. why their love failed each other and her son. she knew there was something missing, a void she couldn’t fill. the young mothers life continued to fall apart. she began searching for answers. she encountered a group of people who claimed there was something more. they claimed they knew what was missing, and they offered to show her how to find it. she began meeting with these people regularly, and what they said confounded her. they said she could never attain the life she desired, that she was a sinner separated from her greatest good - her Creator. but they said there was Good News. they told her that a God-Man named Jesus lived a perfect life and died on a cross and He offers Grace to all who believe and receive. that He conquered death, and offered the life and love she desired. her life was turned upside down, as her Father brought her into the desert and wooed her. she finally believed and received.

and the young boy grew in wisdom and in stature…

the boy began seeing changes in his young mother. her life began reflecting differences he couldn’t account for. she introduced him to people she’d encountered and began treating them like family. something was different about the way she loved, but he knew there was something more. he never understood why his young mother and fathers love had failed. nor why their love always failed him. he began searching for answers. and he too encountered these people who claimed to know what was missing. then one day these people explained the Gospel. in that moment the boy knew, he knew what was missing, and he knew what they spoke was true. and he believed and received.

and the young boy grew in wisdom and in stature before God and men…

the years went swiftly by. the boys life went though many seasons of joy and sorrow, want and plenty. but the boys Father loved, provided, and protected him. He disciplined his son, He molded and refined him. and one day his Father revealed the plan for his life, the purpose for which the boy was created. the boy was scared and doubted. but his Father reminded him that he was indeed incapable, but that He would do it. the boy grew in Grace and mercy.

and the boy became a man…

i just finished reading “an echo in the darkness,” which is the 2nd book in Francine Rivers mark of the lion trilogy. Francine is a phenomenal writer and story teller. she is able to use words to convey messages few have mastered. but what sets apart her works from others isn’t those qualities, but how beautifully she saturates her writing with the gospel.

God has totally used her words to challenge and encourage me…

the story is set in biblical times, and chronicles a young jewish christian girls life (hadassah) after Jerusalem is destroyed by roman occupation. her family is killed, and she becomes enslaved to rome.

in the midst of the greatest sorrows and sufferings, she lived out the gospel. she remembered that He would never leave her or forsake her, and she lived a life of desperate dependence on Him.

how often do i look to circumstance to determine my welfare. thinking if i’d only had parents who loved me like they should have, or people in my life who didn’t constantly disappoint me. if i could only go back and change this or that, wouldn’t things be different.

God is that really how i treat you, do i really believe my plans are better then Yours?

if you took my sight
if i could never walk again
if my voice ceased

would i still praise your name?

something that continues to stick with me is the story of phoebe, the wife of hadassahs master. God used hadassah to share the gospel with her mistress, who came to faith. phoebe desired to live in the same desperate dependence and began using the wealth God had bestowed on her as a means of furthering His kingdom. but she began trying to earn the grace given her by acts of service. she began losing sight of Him over His kingdom. she began using ministry to distract her from her lost children whom God was placing on her heart. God forced her to stop, and listen. she had a stroke which left her paralyzed, leaving her face to face with her creator. God used this discipline to bring her closer to Himself.

“my son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when He rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son.”
hebrews 12:5-6; proverbs 3:11-12

how often do i take lightly His discipline? how often do i complain over my circumstance?

why do i forget that even the pain and sorrow is to bring me closer to Him?

this past weekend our pastor (matt chandler) presented the gospel. God used his words to speak powerfully to me.

“we want everything to be so complicated, we want something to do, when really all scripture requires is that we just stare at Jesus…”

oh the power of that statement, the depth of it’s understanding. to just stare at Jesus.

to be so awe fully overwhelmed by His majesty, to walk in His strength, to overflow with His love, and to die as He died.

to depend desperately on Him for my every breath, and walk in grace and truth.

father, i can’t do it but your son did! make me that kind of man. a man who can just stare at Jesus.

for by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
colossians 1:16-17

how often we succumb to the lie that He has abandoned us, that He has left us alone. the pain and sorrow so deep and severe He couldn’t possible be near. we cry out “why oh Lord have you forsaken me?”

be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.
deu 31:6

why are we so easily deceived? He will NEVER leave you or forsake you, His creation, His child, His bride, His beloved. do we not trust His promise? do we not trust His word?

in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
john 1:1-2

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
john 14:6

we think our questions are ignored or go unheard, but again we deceive ourselves.

ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
matthew 7:7-8

job was accredited righteousness by God. he cried to God in his anguish, pain, and sorrow. he lacked wisdom, clarity, and understanding. so he asked, begged, and pleaded with God, “why!!?!?”

why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?
job 3:11

why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter of soul, to those who long for death that does not come, who search for it more than for hidden treasure, who are filled with gladness and rejoice when they reach the grave?
job 3:20-22

why is life given to a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in?
job 3:23

and God answered job. but He answered job, just as He answers us.

where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
tell me, if you understand.
who marked off its dimensions? surely you know!
who stretched a measuring line across it?
job 38:4-5

who are you that you should question the ways of the Almighty God? who are you that you believe you know what’s best? who are you to think you could fathom the depths of His wisdom and understanding? we are but dust; held together by Him and created for His purpose.

for by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
col 1:16-17

why do we not understand that He is and we are not? that His ways are not our ways. that His plan will bring about our ultimate joy and fulfillment.

consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
james 1:2-5

do we trust Him, do we trust His word? not just intellectually, but do we really live like that? in want or plenty, in sorrow or joy, do we cry Blessed be His name?

but He said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 cor 12:9

do we know, believe and live, that He is enough? that He is adequate…

and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
romans 8:28

when I lay these questions before God I get no answer. but a rather special sort of “no answer.” it is not the locked door. it is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate gaze. as though He shook His head not in refusal but in waving the question. like, “Peace, child, you don’t understand.”
cs lewis “a grief observed”

father… i can’t do it! i’m incapable and inadequate. i need you. oh, how i need you. i’m pleading that you grow me in grace, mercy, and compassion.

i know truth, i know you are truth and the words you speak are true. but how do i walk in grace and truth.

teach me to breath grace!

you have me, you know that i love you. give me the wisdom that John possessed.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
John 1:17

oh sweet Erosion, break me and make me whole…

marrying a woman of God; a co-laborer, companion, and compliment
a woman who’d allow me to serve, love, cherish, nourish, and lead her
who loves God with every fiber of her being, and loves people.
she sees children as a blessing, and desires to love and disciple them.
who mentors other women.
whose heart breaks for widows and orphans.
who’s always ready to cloth the naked and feed the hungry.
who desires a husband to provide and sacrifice for her and her family.
whose home is open to those in need.
who desires to live a daily adventure in desperate dependence on our God and King.

being a Man of God; a husband, father, and pastor

being an example for others to follow. that my life would be a testament to His mercy, grace, and love.

having as many children as God would provide. cultivating and discipling them into men and women of God.

planting (or replanting) and pastoring a church in southern california
serving, loving, teaching, leading, and discipling a body

stewarding all the resources He’s provided me to His glory and renown.

being dust and watching Him work mightily through, and despite me.

living a life worth living. not just existing but thriving. with a purpose, on purpose.

keeping fixed and focused on the Blesser over the blessing
putting flesh to Christ’s love
running with perseverance the race marked out for me

worship Q and A :: James Humphries

drew tufano sits down with james humphries for a little worship Q and A.

http://odeo.com/audio/17069693/view